in my mind

A character in this reality, each of us is a character in each episode. Everyone else is watching in another reality. Who is to say what is known? What if all that is known is just perceived? Everything we know is almost everything that we have been told. If our ancestors figured their own truths, why are we not looking for our own?

-in my mind

Tuesday, December 25, 2012

ABC... LOVE

Across from me
Blessing blemishes you
Causing I to see the
Doors to your inner beauty
Effortless to concludes that
For the sake of sakes and for the
Growth forced upon me to
Hear my manly voice
Infect my Throat, leaves
Just enough doubt to
Kiss your thin hand
Leaving you in dismay
Mourning the old me
Not knowing if to like the new me
Of all days, I peel unexpectedly today
Putting everything no longer at risk, into risk
Quietly quitting herself now
Risking to lose her certainty
Sobering from reality
To dream again


Friday, December 21, 2012

Family Tree

falling from the roots that could have flowered me, but instead made me a leaf. I have been wanting to fall for sometime now, but my roots held me close to protect me from the thing I want to see the most. Here are what we are meant to be, here is what we are made of/ for. I feel no part of this legend this family tree lives for, I care for no part of it. If one leaf never fell from it's roots, would we ever see outside our world? The thing that shape me is the thing that must let me go, but letting go of what I have made, I understand now that although I hold in this mightiest fist, they slip in between my fingers and all of the strength I have leaves me powerless and without them, my strength begin to fade; my bones shrink and my skin creases. I am not made to make you like me, I am made to show you the way of the world, to learn you, think you, feed you, love you, and then leave you. I am made so that I can pave as much road for you until you are strong enough to pave a better stronger road for yourself. I am the tree that made a flower that left the heard to make the seed that makes the apple for Eve to bring to her husband daring him to leave the world he had know to fall into a world where the only thing that matters is not answered until the wind sweeps us into dust and that question become more meaningless.


Monday, December 17, 2012

Undercovers

Dreaming of lights in the shadow
waking up to find you under your cover
fearing the worst
thinking I lost you
I fall consciousness
staring at you
waiting for you to make
either a sound
or move someway, somehow
Sleep is calling me
I don't trust myself
so I say no to sleep
but close my eyes for a second
just to blink
and before sleep could still me
from my consciousness
I jumped to feet
not fully awake
to find you once again
under your covers


Monday, December 10, 2012

Banking Memories


I have a bank full of memories, stolen memories and my memories. No longer sure of which is which so I look into every memory bill in search to find my memories. The price of memories, right now no longer worth much until someone is willing to charge because we are always willing to pay, we just don't know it yet.

This is my memory banks and I share it with you.










Monday, December 3, 2012

Friday, November 30, 2012

The Homeless Man's Fire - V


Perception is not the truth
the truth is the biggest lie
lie down waiting, pretending
to avert the queens strings lit fire

Borrow, my string of fire
the words that strip me of life
the sharp looks
the feeling of being unwanted
relation to the king
affiliation to the queen
the hand that brought me to the king
the shoes that will not come off
borrow it, but please
do not give it back


"Perception is not the truth
the truth is the biggest lie
emotions and distortion
you should have just abort"
I tell myself that
as I look back
time and time again
I wish I did abort


Wednesday, November 28, 2012

The Homeless Man's Fire - IV


It is supposed to hurt more than the fire
when the king held his sons and smiled
But it felt like another day
wishing to be a kings son
hearing... "You are the queens son"
hearing... "hers only"
but still forcing my way into his heart
pushing, at all cost
trying to get my share
until there was no space left
and my pace reduced
shortage of breath
lack of opportunity
in need of my never grown
backbone
planted in the field
where the rest of me
I have to pay for
this close to calling the devils line
and cashing in on my soul
it is worth billions you know?
It is worth more than this world


Monday, November 26, 2012

The Homeless Man's Fire - I


Finding oneself standing
in a room where everything is wrong
the feeling of not belonging
but hold on to every wall
the ground can shift
to any side
at any time
but you held my hand
and you brought me to the king
poor favors
walking on uncooked rice
with sweaty palms
we are meant to be strong
we fragile things


Friday, November 23, 2012

The Homeless Man's Fire - II


The queen sent sharp eyes
and there was nothing but cold
the breeze, so cold the breeze
you just could not feel it
but numb my fingers, numb my toes
and shivers hit my body
and I felt an earthquake in my lungs...
in my horror I imaging verses
of your beautiful plain sight
confusing
this is confusing
how did you learn to be so good at it?
these emotions
awkwardly trying to grasps
something called love
then
I learned to pretend
with all smiles


Wednesday, November 21, 2012

The Homeless Man's Fire - III


While I lay under the queens fire
the king turns his head
and I wanted to see tears
from the corner of his eyes
his back is what I feared the most
Turning ghost before the queen
I saw myself lie
trying not to wake from infinite sleep
it was just a memory trip
waking up to a strip of fire on my skin
realizing anything is better than being here
fire burns until it burn no more
and I hardened so that nothing could inflict
except for within me


Sunday, November 11, 2012

Hiding behind Bush: All of us


Everyone knows about you
from the cold war kids
to the couch potatoes
the most serious comedy
hiding behind the bush
fools we are
words are just words
but I sit here
with no intent on course of action
just sit dull
under two satellite globe
thinking
someone is got to do something about this
but it couldn't be me
because I voice is not loud enough
my mind is too simple
I have more important things
I can't fight for those who do not want to be fought for
and all the excuses keep me in my chair 
and Bush in his
and the administrative in theirs
and government in theirs
and all men like stoners
sitting day dreaming

Friday, November 9, 2012

What do you stand for?

Standing too strong
paralyzes man
when you are standing
you are not walking
how do you move on?
So I stand not too long
and not too strong
I stand barely so that
when I tire
I do not stand for just anything

Sunday, October 28, 2012

Saving the limbs of man

There is not saving. How could I think I could save them, you tried. Disappointment is all that they know. Not even sure they can save themselves. - It's hard to believe that I defied you in their honor, but they refuse to open their eyes. Ignorance is their excuse. To be free of responsibility, free of consequence, free of anything that keeps them doing as they wish. And then wish of care from you as the Lego wall crumble

Friday, October 26, 2012

Sinking From Memories


the world through your eyes
I would like to see
from birth to death
nature in his most natural ways
from mostly leaves
to mostly stem
walking the wrong way
in disappointment's footprint
pretending to be
most happy
and in midst of pretending
forgetting
how content came
learning to smile is effortless
and crying becomes the hardest thing
feeling emotionless
pity is a filthy thing
I was almost always clean
in scenes recalled
every chance to change
but a man with rocks in his chest
in the ocean waters
you and your rock, hard heart
feeling the heavy metal
sinking
sinking
bubbles singing
surely I'm
sorry
sorry
sorry

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

Blood Red Vino Rosso

New comers break through barriers
pumpkin filled horse chariot
finding facts in untold stories
growing silent and indecisive
deciding,
whether to be day or night
separating self from night and day
numbers falling from mans years
tears are just salt water
falter, all at once to the running lights
these provocative lights
the sustaining illumination
bright as the sun light
bathing with sand
bridging the gap
between us
we free us
from freedom
the December falling skies
cherry juiced sun-dried
tomatoes
olive branches
dripping blood
into the wine bottle

© EOU 2012

Tuesday, October 16, 2012


They ask me how long I have left
I said I do not know
but I do know
in fact, it is too close
number that linger in the air
they are trying to tell me something
but I am wrong reading
- reading wrong
didn't think it could ever be this strong
but I still managed to be sitting in filt
and thinking of only my own guilt
it is too late to be sorry
I hope it will become blurry
after so many years
but clear like present
this damn shame
that will not unframe
from my mind
I need this
just one time
just this instance
and I shall ask for nothing more
but more
or less I will be here again
at least I know that

Monday, October 15, 2012

Fire

Careful for fire is beauty in itself and make the eye see things that are not there. things that cannot be touched. it dances like no other, creating moves that acrobats could not. It is beautiful and uncertain to the mind how it is possible. But it can quickly posses the bite of an wild cat as it want not to be touched. It is more of a she. just like a woman to reach out and decide what is fit to touch her and what is not, she turns her back. She turns her back so he who has been rejected know to move on and dream of her no longer. And for those who do not respect her back, for those who care not for her decision, for them come the pain when they touch her because mad at the slap of rejection. And a warning is sent. warning that is almost burnt. It is said that only the quickest of the quick can touch and gentlest of all man. And that spoken truthfully for I have seen man play with fire and one in my sight has touched fire but with such quickness, I could have been fooled if he had not. And true also for a man with great patients slowly move closer to feeling the strength of the heat but also knowing when to stop before they are burnt.

Thursday, October 11, 2012

Airegin:


Walking into a room
where soldier field roads
left no boot prints
and hardly is the sound of the world
filled with motor generator
and light stayed on
where when shoes did not fit
you simply stop wearing shoes
where domestics thought of attacking you
was removed as infants
and in fact happiest were man
that those who came from nothing
rose to be happy strong men with nothing
but a little jealousy for those who had it all
a place where you would applaud
a thieves imagination
and criticism prevalent
the world where you must rise
above all and show all
that you are above all
but make fool of yourself
and be full of yourself
for every man is his own
imagination

Tuesday, October 9, 2012

Not A Thing: Nothing

There are too many mirrors in the world.
Can you find your true self?
If you look out the window you'll see anything,
If you step out the door you'll find anything.
But stay indoors and find yourself not amounting to anything

Wednesday, October 3, 2012

SEEING FLYING HEARTS

It's quarter past
missing you
from the time I left
to loving you
seems like it was 
all falling time
when light rise
I look forward to 
sunny side you
your cherry red lips
sweet as sweets
fairy blues eyes
dirty blond to 
golden blond ends
when I close my eyes
I see you

Tuesday, October 2, 2012

Beat keeps me going


I have forgotten to talk
although I think of words
I do not see them exit from my lips

While I am here waiting
I realized that I have spoken
and no words ever came out
and every minute that pass
is prolonged by the relapse of the long hand
so I looked at the mirror, to the rear
and find nothing familiar, but the place I am in
this song is stealing my heart
I cannot help but to repeat
I want to go in
but that will mean the beat will stop
heart, please don't stop
I carry the song in my mind
to keep me from losing the beat in my heart
one step, two step, one step, three step
open the door, table for two
one step, two step, one step, three step
can I sit here, on boot number 4?

I sat wondering why I am here
when I realized the song was gone
Is when I realized that my heart's beat is slowing
I have forgotten the song
I have forgotten the song
I HAVE FORGOTTEN THE SONG
I am forgetting myself
invisible sweat began pouring out of me
my skin began to glow red
the heat, I'm overheating
"Anything for you? or would you like to wait?"
"A tall glass of Peroni please"
"coming up"

When the tall glass of the rich golden wheat liquor touch the table
my hand resisted the thirst I quenched
I then remembered the song
reach, grab, lift, and sip
retract, put down, and let go
one more time

reach, grab, lift, and sip
retract, put down, and let go
now my skin is blue
and no longer sweating

The phone rang
"wear are you?"
"walk straight"
"I don't see you"
"keep walking straight"
"ha OK"
I watched her walking towards me from the reflection of the glass
She was looking at the back of my head
yet she was looking directly at my eyes
I am confused
what is going on
I turned back to receive her
Then saw no one,
turned back around and she was in front of me
how did she get there?

By the time we sat,
music left me there
to die alone

Monday, September 24, 2012

Juliar? Juliar? Juliar?

I once sent an e-mail to myself with content I cannot recall where from. My thought is I either wrote it or a lyrics to a second I found, although is closely resembles real life occurrence of multiples people meshed in one. Since my memory betrays me, I feel I can share do to my ignorance.
Enjoy!

Thursday, September 20, 2012

Consumption

The frame from which I awoke removed me from shade, the light refuse to give me vitamin D. In my restless eyes, pupil dilate and the motion that I seem to be in differ from the one I see. lights, colors, distortion, weary minded, knot in the stomach. I seem to have misplaced my self esteem because this feeling is foreign and the mind is rejecting itself. I am hanging over the day after the past where consumptions of alcohol has left me half brain dead. The silence while peoples mouth continue to move is a feeling and I must think paranoia. There is one constant hum and looking in the mirror, I look ok to drive. But someone say it's OK to die and I'm thinking it's OK to lie. I'm falling into an unprotected state from this city state of mind. I mind being touched even if I give you the right. It isn't right when you hear and see what is going on but you can do nothing about it. My hand is slower that my mind and the signs all seem to be moving too fast for me see their shapes. I am falling into the state where everything seem a jest and laughter is causing pain in my stomach. I'm dying from amusement that only I can see. There is nothing there but there is something there. When I wake up, none of it is real.

Monday, September 17, 2012

Saying Something With Nothing

Parliament, focus, betrays
Infiltrate, debt, being
Sinking, songs, lifts
Hearts, inflict, pain
Relates, liquor, insulate
Warmth, breathes, look
Deceive, mind, state
think, facts, untrue
see, lights, unfold
kill, fashion, don't
feed, birds, wings
sing, hot, lullabies
be, fair, and
have, fear
see, here

Thursday, September 13, 2012

Fire in Her Eyes


Stood in front of me as you did. is it hate in your eyes? is it hurt? There's fire in your eyes.

As I felt a sharp pain, my mind not knowing where, I realize that I had hurt you. And that not at all, my intentions, for I thought I was doing well by you. Well it's obvious you thought otherwise because now I bleed. Breathless I. Who am I? No longer sure of myself and the life I assumed to have lived for everything feels like a lie, that I told to myself. Could it even be called a life? is it a life in time or something imagined? That a man doubt all that he is brings sorrow to the heart. Doubt in life, doubt is love, and doubt upon my Father once. but no longer GOD and though doubt has fallen upon me by many, doubt followed me like a pet. Doubt is still with me and how to shake it off, still not sure.

Tuesday, September 11, 2012

Wired

watching rolling heads before eyes falling into the potato soup. This is not what I imagine but it is pretty serious. Serious life makes an unhappy camper. It has become so serious, life deprived, and slowly becoming minuscule. The various shapes moving in the corner of my eyes, the elements known visit to visit but unable to recollect and the wires in the back of the head are unable to reconnect.

Slowing of the loud pound of the heart. Slow the distribution of the red substance that circulate in the arteries and vein sending oxygen and carbon dioxide from the tissues. Slow the release of demand ones mind has for the body. Slow the realization that the moment is about to come to an alt. Then, it is the collapse.


Monday, September 10, 2012

Wording Advisory

Challenged by sources unknown
trying to forget what you gave no permission to
the mind is much too persistence 
life lessons - Think, maybe he or she told you so
the drawn line, what is the point if it cannot be seen
but there is much to believe in
and too much to see
there is fear
and inside it, you'll find happiness
there's you,
but it does not exist without acknowledgement
when lost, do not look in the find and lost
all you will find is things that need to be lost
but the things you need to find will appear
as you move forward looking for nothing
because when you are no looking 
is when most you find
but sometime
the more you find,
the more you have lost
and the thing forgotten
are the things not worth
remembering
the past is the past
it's only worth examining
what you need to change the most
is now because
you can never get it back

Friday, August 31, 2012

Giltfree


Hot flashes
weather bug
lonely martinis
dancing stars
various strangers
smiling moon
turning rooms
dark skies
sounds of sleep
homeless man
forgetting all yesterdays
remembering tomorrows
in the midst of cities
in the middle of it all
living

Thursday, August 30, 2012


The Making...

Losing consciousness
in fact, he may just be losing his mind
to under stand the collapsing bridge
on sinking sand
shield in one
a knife in the other
hand
forgetting to breathe
Don't know what to think
too scared to blink
trying to remember what to do
trying not to forget who to be
need to fight
but not for the wrong things
need to love
but not the wrong
feel the hate
but not for blood
feel the jealousy
but the good ones
Find self
and less will need to
fight anyone

Wednesday, August 29, 2012

Running

far too long
going with out you
have to turned back now?
and hope not to
have to get in line
right now
it seems an out age
that leave with out rage
back pedaling
forward walking
keeping things in line
seem more difficult
than crossing the lines
keep going
for as long as you cannot
see the wall
pass it
and then carry it with you
sweating
controlling breathe
hearing it beat
and then fall to bit

Friday, August 24, 2012

What if...

What if everything is false
What if this world is false
Everthing you ever believed in is untrues

It was made, yes for you
But from you everything is far
Soul from body
Thoughts from mind
It is all far

Where will you find yourself
when it all happens
we are made to be ready
are you?

Friday, August 17, 2012

Happiness

Don't be fooled by happiness
Could never be fulled by happiness
Distract, destruct, distance
Always one step closer to happiness
but never in happiness arms
maybe on it's steps

Happiness away from home
Not seeing everyday scene
distance from everyday people

Happiness away from self
being a different type of yourself
experimenting with your weakness
the same you in a different group

Happiness in new things
to be in or have something new
that distraction
that has no reflections

What if there's no room for happiness
one to keep working
no time for rest
too many pen and papers on the desk
doing everything to pass the test
memory retraction is just a little less
no, this is not stress
just trying to be the best
until there's pain in the chest
and we realize
currency does not equal happiness

Wednesday, August 15, 2012

Pressure

I take in, I take in, 
There is no air, I cannot vent,
All the hours spent, now I can just care less,

You take, you take, and take,
When will you give back?
I no longer feel a thing, I am waste

I take in, I take in,
And my pressured hands are numb, control,
I cannot control, and they do things,
things unspeakable, and I cannot say no, pressure,
because maybe I deserve, and pressure -if they don't give,
Pressure -I must take, maybe just a little, but I need to take

You take, you take, and take,
When will you give back?
I no longer feel a thing, I am waste

I take in, I take in,
They chew me, and I am weak, 
And my mind is not right, I am not right,
I need to take a little more, just to balance,
some of today's wreckage, the damage

You take, you take, and take,
When will you give back?
I no longer feel a thing, I am waste

After all that you have taken,
After all the time I have begged,
To be balance, for each take,
To be given, and now I have taken,
And I have to plead, because my take 
did not go unnoticed, 
I am in the dark, waiting for words
For anything, so that I can sleep sound,
But I deserve to take,
At least, I think

Wednesday, August 8, 2012

Bottles: People Inside The


take all those people out the bottles
and replace them with
other people
we are lands away
oceans away
air away
this is how the bottle filled people
travel
to be our messengers
from here
to the other side
from ocean to air
from air to land
they are loved ones
people we never met
the message was meant for 
the other, other side
but it only made it
to the other side
maybe we need a different
kind of bottle


Tuesday, August 7, 2012

Elephant

There is an elephant in the room
and no one is looking at it
everyone is pretending it is not there
but something this size cannot be ignored

There is an elephant in the room
and no one is trying to get it out
everyone is keeping from making eye contact
but something this big will only get bigger

There is an elephant in the room
and no one seem to know what to do with it
everyone thinks it will just go away
but something this large cannot fit through the door

There is an elephant in the room
someone has to do something
someone has to talk or look at it
someone has to make it smaller
it will not go away by itself

CAN ANYONE HEAR ME?
THERE IS AN ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM!

HELLO, HELLO,
ANYONE THERE?
THERE IS AN ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM!

Monday, August 6, 2012

People Inside The Bottles


Trying to fit him on a piece of paper,
Then roll it up and put him in the bottle
He went from solid gold to just plain site
From meteo showers to a plain sky
We went from going
to being
Now all our things are worthless
the meaning behind it
all faded
we must recycle the constantly falling glasses




You Just Never Know

You just never know who you are until you get there.

Until you have lost yourself in emotions
so deeply that your wheels will not turn
and you see yourself doing the thing
you would otherwise do

Until it is you in the situation
that you were first to judge
and make someone feel ashamed
of themselves for something
you could have done
yourself



Friday, August 3, 2012

Killing me softly

The attraction goes beyond the looks
the looks goes beyond what you look like
the like is the meaning one has
and has something for you
called attraction

No matter where one goes
one is back to square one
without eyes
one is still drawn
but limited to my nose
and tongue
one love
two loves
one needs you in him
the deeper you go
the more you are killing
because one can't help the attraction

You are not lethal
but little 
you are literally killing me
softly
from my eyes
to my nose
to my mouth
to my stomach
you are literally killing me
but softly



© EOU 2012

Thursday, August 2, 2012

kid hopes...You should know better

Thank you for not loving me much
because i learned how to love myself twice as much
and hate our future twice more
more less is where i am headed
and my head is punctured
that is why i cannot think straight
wait, wait
did you know i fell?
my hardest fall
i expected colorful flowers
in the all white room
soon, you might appear
but it remained an all white room
silent
so i guess i must thank you
for not caring
because i learned how to care for myself twice as much
and i hate to care twice more
for anyone else
now i must forward step
but only those who put their heart on the train
can enter

So long
and thanks again for not being there
because i was there twice as much

Wednesday, August 1, 2012

You Are The Shining Star

I found you wondering in the midst of the stars. Paying no mind to not one person. The crowd became a frame around you, they lacked importance. I saw nothing but blurriness around you like you were the view made for me. When you looked up, it was as if the world began to turn and a familiarity of this point and time. You could not stop looking at me and smiling and I felt foolish sitting there and smiling back. Some of the stars are burning, all the others reflecting light but you shine the most.

Monday, July 30, 2012

Something

For You To Think About


there are too many mirrors
in the world
you cannot find your
true self
 
if you look out the window
you'll see anything
and if you step out the door
you'll find anything

But stay in 
and find yourself
not amounting
to anything

Number in slumber
fondling the lumber
self caged in cyber
self hatred
antisocial

Get out into the world
and live among-st
live beings


Thursday, July 26, 2012

Who I could have been

At one I buried memories of the day conceived
At three I buried the memories before I spoke
At Six I buried memories before I knew a thing
There, everything became new
Six, feeling
Lonely, hurt
Mother, father
Mother,
If i could hear you
I would know you
but the walls are silent
and nothing is
scarier that a silent world
until you enter a city
and then nothing is
scarier that the city lights
to those who have not once experienced
and the sound are noise to peaceful ears

--------------------------------------

There are a lot people who do not get to experience life as we did. Lets be grateful for our experiences

Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Reasonably trying to tell secrets... Skies

Partly thinking of all of the things that fade...

I am realizing that we are fading, slowing changing. We are not what we used to be and the things that allow us to grow are the things that keep us motivated. I feel, after a bottle of beer, that what we are talking about does not make sense and everything must have a sense if not it will not exist in my parallel universe.

Things I've never seen, do not exist, in my world. But not existing in my wold does not mean that it is not real. What is the meaning of arguments if there is nothing to take from it? What is the meaning of a meaningless conversation? is it brief entertainment that lapse in memory, fall from the sky, and the day is forgotten? We are all forgotten until what you mean to us phase us and then we recall who you are but we never know what you are, to us, until it is too late to realize. But it is never too late to realize because we can't just become dust that vanish in thin air.

Nothing must remain the same, and everything must remain constant. Those things I just could not tolerate are mind games that phase me none now that I realize that it just make no sense to think about something that does not matter. Matter of fact it is that all of the facts are opinion until it is proven fact for the main time and then it becomes someones opinion. Have we been talking about the same thing all along but still arguing? Language barrier on all the bridges in our geographic area.

Broadly speaking... Do you not realize what is going on around you? You have not been looking and while you have not lost your hearing, you are not listening. We are not alone in this lonely world. See there are those who know what is to be known and to share is like sharing wealth, why would they? It is something that is worth more than all things on this earth because we must keep to ourselves what could benefit the world. I just can't think like that. Maybe when I get a piece of the action I'll become something I despise or something I never thought I'll be.

It is easy to look at someone and make up our mind but we are doing exactly the same thing just in different ways. Secret is that there is something that you should know but you have not been seeking it and so it is unlikely that you will learn it. Did you hear the secret? The reason it is a secret is because they wish for it to remain the same. Look at the sky long enough and then you will ask the right questions... Look to the sky once in a while. Look to the sky

Monday, July 23, 2012

ALL PART OF ME APART FROM ME

Even though you are a minuscule part of me, you are still part of me. "It's not who I am" It is who made me. You are who made me. Your presence, even if short, made me who I am.

You are the reason for my being. And if I become great, I did not do so by myself. I have you to thank.

You are who made me. Yesterday I was someone else, Today I am me!

I can't thank you enough for the addition.

I appreciate all of whom I have met. Everyone no matter how little their presence in my life, had some affect as to who I am. Negative or positive, all is appreciated.

Friday, July 20, 2012

Living in Midst of Death


We are not the murderer of the murdered nor the killers of the passers. We are man, who died a little, because a part of us has been taken from us. Though you are mother, father, sister, brother. We have mothers, fathers, sisters, and brothers. When one is lost, is it not all of us, who has experience the person, whom have lost too? Even those who have no knowledge of the passer lose for they have not experience something great or something not so great but someone they can learn from?. Then why tell us we do not understand? Why make it as if you are the only one who has lost? You have lost the most, and that is known. Why spread enough tears to drown us all in? why blame yourself or the world for what the world itself do not have a hand in? Why die, when you are still alive?

Thursday, July 19, 2012

Balance: The Good & The Bad

Live
all you have to do is just live
the simplest thing is to breathe
you don't even have to think about it
things come and go
and go and come
we find ourselves in the midst of it all
all of the numbers that we count
are all starting to look the same
and everything that once mattered
became meaningless
and all the things
that had less of a meaning
are becoming more meaningful
pitiful
I was not born with it all,
all the things I know now
and all the things I will learn tomorrow
but then I guess
there will be no point in living
and so embrace the living
hug those who are leaving
take in the difficulties
try not to make sense of it all
just under stand
and remember
it must all balance
the good
and the bad

Wednesday, July 18, 2012

Mathematician And Problem Solvers

My ears were prey to the complaints
They came in waves
and in waves they came
I cannot not do anything
but I sit and pull out the puzzle
because it is meant to be solved
solver
I
every problem must be solved
the solution but so easy
played like a film in my head
just not a picture
the complainer could see
and so I cannot not do anything
but I sit and take a sip of this refreshing beverage
because every problem must be solved
and so I pull out my math book
where there is always just one answer
and but many ways to solve
problem
solver
I
life's jest
and so filled with laughter
because a mathematician cannot solve
his own problems
this predator mouth
has found prey
and it played like a film in the preys head
just not a picture
the complainer could see
complainer
I

-----------------------------------------

Each of us can solve others problems, but have difficulties solving our own. That's why Mathematicians are magicians at solving problems...

Tuesday, July 17, 2012

Waking up in my sleep

Waking up
in my sleep
The sun is
up
the birds
chirp
mostly the chicks,
crying
for food
The sound is no music
to my hears
Must not have woken up
on
the right side of the bed
Indeed
one did rise from
the left
the sound of rain
is the feeling of sleep
my bed
is requesting my
presence
but I am too busy 
holding 
this white cup of 
coffee
looking out the
window
watching
trees
wind and
trying to glimpse the sky
through the gray clouds
thinking to
myself
the world is  most
beautiful
looking at the grass on the other side of the
fence
part of which is
balding
other part color
aged
but from this angle
it is just
real
beautiful isn't
perfect
but somehow perfect is beautiful
And the sun brings light to the world
this is the sight to
see
with
the world
although
simple
it gives joy to just look


Sunday, July 15, 2012

Leaving Most of Me


I haven't had a hold on my mind
for sometime now
We can no longer agree on a thing
we barely look each other in the eyes
but we have agreed to disagree
Agreed to find our own way
To part by the glass
because I am either becoming what I hate
or hating what I have become
and around you
I really dislike myself
and do I get dress and get my luggage?
stand in front of the mirror?
and have my goodbye?

Saturday, July 14, 2012

Mind boggling - Mind Crazy

supposing that the streets are crawling with lies
and smell of feces is bearable,
 - please keep the mouthwash in a lot longer
tell me no lies even with fire in your mouth
disguise yourself from yourself
and then tell me if you can find yourself
unlikely that you find silence
not anywhere
but you are the first to throw rocks
 - have you ever felt a rock on your head?
it's likely you haven't
tell me something I don't know
like that fire burn
and no matter how far I stay away
there's no preventing cancer
and sometime there just isn't any answers
I swear I have been living forever
time, just will not stop
only to men holding candles
walking on sandals
keep playing the music
one thing that's more frightening
than seeing nothing
is hearing nothing
 - time to fasten your seat-belts
Cry now, cry
hear all the things you hate to hear
dry the tears
it's not as bad as it sounds
take the heat from all sides
take it in, take it in
and then throw it back
first send them a warning
then let them see a fraction of the action
let them see your vein work
everyone is testing
their limit
It's passed the line
but still we throw pennies
every money is necessary
every man will die
just hope you've lived happy
sad days come
and then I'm greatful for the laughable days
There's a road I'm looking for
It's called the happy way



Friday, July 13, 2012

Morning nights


never could you believe
under what I woke up this morning
I woke under a red cloud
that drizzled grey rain
sprinkling grey mist 
on my eye lids
when my eyes ajar
I knew just what kind of day to expect

Thursday, July 12, 2012

Change Myself: Lost & Found

You keep me from being anyone
and so I became myself
you told me that I did not breathe well
and thought me how to breathe like someone else
that person did not think well
and so you told me to think like someone else
that person did not behave
and so you told me I had to act like someone else
that person did not listen
and so you gave me someone else's ears
that person did not speak well
and so you told me I had to talk like someone else
that person did not feel well
and you told me to feel like someone else
I have lost and found
I could not see anyone else
then I broke down
and realized I did not like myself
then I looked in the mirror
and saw that I was everyone else


Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Making in this minute


what you are making
no longer depends on anything
except the outcome
your ideas are shining
that cost plenty of time
plenty of minds
have found themselves lost
lost in yesterday
forgetting already tomorrow
seeming in constant
the longest now ever
and so I rest my mind
exit my object
so that I can dream
of any time other than now

Friday, July 6, 2012

Billabong


If I wasn't alone
If music didn't play
If I did not sing
If beauty did not exist
If the waves did not crash
If the sand did not blow
If I could not stand
If you could not see my feet
If the rope did not hold
If I could always smile
If flowers did not smell
If I could not walk on this
IF the sun did not shine
If there were no water
If I could just be
If there were no view
If it did not feel like this
If you could just see me
If I could not be bare
If I could not sleep
The world, would it be still?

Billabong Lightwriting

Monday, July 2, 2012

Amy, Amy, Amy

You have places to go
you had people you could have seen
but instead you sit in the open glass room
listening to instructions
because of your disability
who ever thought you
sharing is caring
never thought you
caring is a whole load
you had so much to share
all the ideas, all the love
wanted to show the world the sun
from your eyes
the goodness
all you wanted to do was share
but by the time you reached the sharing step
you were full of all the things you disliked the most
and the things you did not want to be
Your words unladylike
and many times the most filthy
But your voice
It showed me the stories
you could not speak
Your voice 
It showed me the things you were
and the things you wanted to be
I have not had wine in my house
for sometime
but I do have a photo of you
in the case
Reading... Parental Advisory 

Friday, June 29, 2012

Lotus Focus

Finding focus underneath the desk
next to the vitamin fish
coffee
and bottle of water
mixing causing bowel movement
today's treatment
focus under pressure
focus into the lotus
see beauty crumble in detail
nothing more displeasing
than deflowering
that which is pleasing
But only until it has been pleased
and then there's much less you can do with it
and it all feels like it could have been nothing
nothing is more scary than feeling nothing
because then we become despicable
mouth watering violence
round shaped hearts
falling into oblivion
wandering where you are
as depression attack
and then your beautiful day
is gone
and a pill is supposed to 
save you from your insecurities
and no one can save you from
your self pity
only to lose focus
and drown in meaningless life
to find a meaning in life

Thursday, June 28, 2012

You Did It

You did it to yourself

Where you are right now,
Looking back now
Thinking how
Things came to be
But You did it to yourself
Falling and falling
sometime forgetting
To get back up
You should have
Gotten backup
But 
You did it to yourself
You say you won't go back
but you find yourself back 
At the same door
The difficulties opening
Anything
And everything
You did it to yourself

Wednesday, June 27, 2012

Lapse in Memory

I died with stage fright. 

No word came from me and so I panic and my heart gave. All I could remember was that a man walked past me and made a dismayed comment while I gave him my back. 

While I was parting from myself, I found the stage empty and the audience staring at the blank wall in amaze. I forget where I am, I forget where I was supposed to be, just when I walked under the door frame to the other room I realize that I suffered from a short memory loss. 

One girl from the audience stared directly at me and smiled. She looked right into my eyes and I felt unease. I became confused as I did not know if you were looking at me or through me. Something about being looked through makes me lack comfort. 

The other day I smelled apple pie in my apartment but we are bakers free. The smell came distinctly from my bedroom, no where else. The girl then smiled more showing her pearly whites and I could help but not to smile back. She then turned back to the blank wall and gestured at the wall in amaze. Shrills ran through me for a slight second. Is the world going on? 

I remember a letter that was sent to me from Barcelona, beautiful letter. Only a caring person would take the time to write a letter where you found not one mistake or misspelling in four to five pages. She then added to the letter a beautifully taken picture of herself standing in an artistic pose. I tried to write back, but after 10 wrinkle pages on the floor with misspellings, cross-outs, and change styling between cursive and non-cursive, I decided I was not made for it. I must have let her down, she told me she admired me and tried in every sense to show me just how important I was in changing her life. I went 5 years without responding. 

A baby standing on his mothers lap looked directly at me and smiled. I moved thinking that it was a coincident that his eyes gaze at me and his lips widened at me. I moved a little and his eyes followed. Could he see me? 

I wonder who else notice me in front of the blank wall where they are all staring at. I must be missing something. I then smiled at him and he smiled more, we kept exchanging smiles until he started to laugh. His mother gazed in my direction and looked directly in my eyes, then turned to the baby's eye, and then back at mine. It kept on until I realized that she could not see me and was meaning to find what the infant found so funny. 

I dislike celery but it tasted magnificent in this well prepared dish. I was never fund of the color green, something about it left me in disgust. It must be a disgusting color.


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About Me

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Some stories are fabricated, some stories are imaginative, some stories are not your own, and some are factual, but all are stories that is an individuals and he must share so that he feels the world part of him, not just him part of the world