in my mind

A character in this reality, each of us is a character in each episode. Everyone else is watching in another reality. Who is to say what is known? What if all that is known is just perceived? Everything we know is almost everything that we have been told. If our ancestors figured their own truths, why are we not looking for our own?

-in my mind

Friday, June 29, 2012

Lotus Focus

Finding focus underneath the desk
next to the vitamin fish
and bottle of water
mixing causing bowel movement
today's treatment
focus under pressure
focus into the lotus
see beauty crumble in detail
nothing more displeasing
than deflowering
that which is pleasing
But only until it has been pleased
and then there's much less you can do with it
and it all feels like it could have been nothing
nothing is more scary than feeling nothing
because then we become despicable
mouth watering violence
round shaped hearts
falling into oblivion
wandering where you are
as depression attack
and then your beautiful day
is gone
and a pill is supposed to 
save you from your insecurities
and no one can save you from
your self pity
only to lose focus
and drown in meaningless life
to find a meaning in life

Thursday, June 28, 2012

You Did It

You did it to yourself

Where you are right now,
Looking back now
Thinking how
Things came to be
But You did it to yourself
Falling and falling
sometime forgetting
To get back up
You should have
Gotten backup
You did it to yourself
You say you won't go back
but you find yourself back 
At the same door
The difficulties opening
And everything
You did it to yourself

Wednesday, June 27, 2012

Lapse in Memory

I died with stage fright. 

No word came from me and so I panic and my heart gave. All I could remember was that a man walked past me and made a dismayed comment while I gave him my back. 

While I was parting from myself, I found the stage empty and the audience staring at the blank wall in amaze. I forget where I am, I forget where I was supposed to be, just when I walked under the door frame to the other room I realize that I suffered from a short memory loss. 

One girl from the audience stared directly at me and smiled. She looked right into my eyes and I felt unease. I became confused as I did not know if you were looking at me or through me. Something about being looked through makes me lack comfort. 

The other day I smelled apple pie in my apartment but we are bakers free. The smell came distinctly from my bedroom, no where else. The girl then smiled more showing her pearly whites and I could help but not to smile back. She then turned back to the blank wall and gestured at the wall in amaze. Shrills ran through me for a slight second. Is the world going on? 

I remember a letter that was sent to me from Barcelona, beautiful letter. Only a caring person would take the time to write a letter where you found not one mistake or misspelling in four to five pages. She then added to the letter a beautifully taken picture of herself standing in an artistic pose. I tried to write back, but after 10 wrinkle pages on the floor with misspellings, cross-outs, and change styling between cursive and non-cursive, I decided I was not made for it. I must have let her down, she told me she admired me and tried in every sense to show me just how important I was in changing her life. I went 5 years without responding. 

A baby standing on his mothers lap looked directly at me and smiled. I moved thinking that it was a coincident that his eyes gaze at me and his lips widened at me. I moved a little and his eyes followed. Could he see me? 

I wonder who else notice me in front of the blank wall where they are all staring at. I must be missing something. I then smiled at him and he smiled more, we kept exchanging smiles until he started to laugh. His mother gazed in my direction and looked directly in my eyes, then turned to the baby's eye, and then back at mine. It kept on until I realized that she could not see me and was meaning to find what the infant found so funny. 

I dislike celery but it tasted magnificent in this well prepared dish. I was never fund of the color green, something about it left me in disgust. It must be a disgusting color.

Wednesday, June 20, 2012

I Want You To Be Who You Are, But The Way I Want You To Be

I did not go to the end of the world
but I did step outside my one bedroom apartment
and then outside my current city
then outside the state
then outside the country

I stepped outside
looking for something different
but all the difference in the world
changed nothing
and I wanted to change them
to be a little more like you

the things I most dislike
are for some reason
thing I kind of most missed
and while I cannot stand
I figure I have to
get this shape we need
so sanding paper
but it will take forever to shape you
so I thought, let time shape you

About Me

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Some stories are fabricated, some stories are imaginative, some stories are not your own, and some are factual, but all are stories that is an individuals and he must share so that he feels the world part of him, not just him part of the world