kid hopes...You should know better

Thank you for not loving me much
because i learned how to love myself twice as much
and hate our future twice more
more less is where i am headed
and my head is punctured
that is why i cannot think straight
wait, wait
did you know i fell?
my hardest fall
i expected colorful flowers
in the all white room
soon, you might appear
but it remained an all white room
silent
so i guess i must thank you
for not caring
because i learned how to care for myself twice as much
and i hate to care twice more
for anyone else
now i must forward step
but only those who put their heart on the train
can enter

So long
and thanks again for not being there
because i was there twice as much