You Did It

You did it to yourself

Where you are right now,

Looking back now

Thinking how

Things came to be

But You did it to yourself

Falling and falling

sometime forgetting

To get back up

You should have

Gotten backup

But 

You did it to yourself

You say you won't go back

but you find yourself back 

At the same door

The difficulties opening

Anything

And everything

You did it to yourself

Lapse in Memory

I died with stage fright. 

No word came from me and so I panic and my heart gave. All I could remember was that a man walked past me and made a dismayed comment while I gave him my back. 

While I was parting from myself, I found the stage empty and the audience staring at the blank wall in amaze. I forget where I am, I forget where I was supposed to be, just when I walked under the door frame to the other room I realize that I suffered from a short memory loss. 

One girl from the audience stared directly at me and smiled. She looked right into my eyes and I felt unease. I became confused as I did not know if you were looking at me or through me. Something about being looked through makes me lack comfort. 

The other day I smelled apple pie in my apartment but we are bakers free. The smell came distinctly from my bedroom, no where else. The girl then smiled more showing her pearly whites and I could help but not to smile back. She then turned back to the blank wall and gestured at the wall in amaze. Shrills ran through me for a slight second. Is the world going on? 

I remember a letter that was sent to me from Barcelona, beautiful letter. Only a caring person would take the time to write a letter where you found not one mistake or misspelling in four to five pages. She then added to the letter a beautifully taken picture of herself standing in an artistic pose. I tried to write back, but after 10 wrinkle pages on the floor with misspellings, cross-outs, and change styling between cursive and non-cursive, I decided I was not made for it. I must have let her down, she told me she admired me and tried in every sense to show me just how important I was in changing her life. I went 5 years without responding. 

A baby standing on his mothers lap looked directly at me and smiled. I moved thinking that it was a coincident that his eyes gaze at me and his lips widened at me. I moved a little and his eyes followed. Could he see me? 

I wonder who else notice me in front of the blank wall where they are all staring at. I must be missing something. I then smiled at him and he smiled more, we kept exchanging smiles until he started to laugh. His mother gazed in my direction and looked directly in my eyes, then turned to the baby's eye, and then back at mine. It kept on until I realized that she could not see me and was meaning to find what the infant found so funny. 

I dislike celery but it tasted magnificent in this well prepared dish. I was never fund of the color green, something about it left me in disgust. It must be a disgusting color.

I Want You To Be Who You Are, But The Way I Want You To Be

I did not go to the end of the world
but I did step outside my one bedroom apartment
and then outside my current city
then outside the state
then outside the country

I stepped outside
looking for something different
but all the difference in the world
changed nothing
and I wanted to change them
to be a little more like you

the things I most dislike
are for some reason
thing I kind of most missed
and while I cannot stand
I figure I have to
get this shape we need
so sanding paper

but it will take forever to shape you

so I thought, let time shape you

Simple

I am my own imagination

I am only real in this product and nothing else
I am a machine of innocent driving a pull of sharks
I am unaware of myself
I am a human being

Being that I am human
means my mistake will repeat
in different occasions
because of the need to make it work
because I told myself that this is the way
and something has to take me from that mind frame

Being unaware of my self
is a sad feeling
because I am aware of others
before I am aware of me
and I cannot know myself
if there were no other
I cannot change
if none other exist
so I am useless alone

Being this super being on Hearth
has me thinking I am better than the world
but the world is laughing at me
because the world sees that
I am just a  machine
my own Grim Reaper
because everything I do to survive
will be the thing that kills me

Being this product
for sale or
to share
I am but a product that seeks more product
just to forget that
If I am working to acquire things
I will be ignorant of the fact
that It does not really makes sense

Being my own imagination
means that I live in my own world
and I will never fully know me
because I will never fully share myself
and so my imagination is limited to what I see

Poem

Standing under

The bridge

Trying to understanding

Fire burn

Born hashes

A tray of cigarettes

Find trail of smoke

Into my lungs

It must be the string

That keep it strong in my blood

Nicotine

Leave cords in my wings

Strong words in

meaningless songs

Build me up

Just to have me fall

The need to be outside the walls

Lights in the sky

Wind carrying short breaths

Bidding farewell

Time is passing

heard following

Hands quilting wills...

Lonely Island

How could someone be lonely in such a world
how could time even permits such thing
loneliness, has broken many
it has even broken me
but loneliness, I long for
for a place where I can be but all by myself
that I, only to consider what nature gives
so that I can return
my man made products,
my shield of freewill
and land on natures ground

Lonely yesterday made me feel whole
it made me realize that I am never alone
and that I can be never happy
not even when my wants are fulfilled
but happiness find me standing
the ground of my commitments
my actions,
my decisions,
my truth

This is a world of many
but lonely is easy to be
for we may pass million and not even realize
how many times we passed our past lives
or how many times we saw things
that we care about
but right now I do not care
I just want to go home
walk past them time after time
not noticing anything
we are blind men with site
and paralyzed man without injury
we are handicapped in our own body
lost until part of us is lost
and we are on a mission to once again find