in my mind

A character in this reality, each of us is a character in each episode. Everyone else is watching in another reality. Who is to say what is known? What if all that is known is just perceived? Everything we know is almost everything that we have been told. If our ancestors figured their own truths, why are we not looking for our own?

-in my mind

Monday, July 15, 2013

The Most In Memory

Dear, 
Beloved, 
Respectful, 
Precious,
When I look into my past,
I don't clearly see you
but recall a man walking away
with sports coat over his shoulder
and my thoughts exactly was
"I want to be like him"
the road that separate us
is where I picked up my first cigarette
already lit, half smoked with a fume curved shape
dancing nude
temptation cease to exist
as the cigarette touch my lips
and the smoke left me breathless
coughing for almost forever
while water exit my tear glands
but you came and went like the wind
and until I saw you again
you was a ghost in my memory
every time I fall forward, I fell back
and recall you holding the bike seat
behind me until you let go and loudly said
"Go!"

I went and then I did not see you for
more than just some time
and when I find myself looking up at you
and remembered thinking
"What was wrong with me?"
but you never answered
my unasked question
saving my breath for
not stupid question
so I was quiet most of the time

I could not blame you
for not liking me
I didn't like myself
so much that I try to bleach my personality
bathing in a pool of request
until I as swimming in an ocean of your wants
but anything for you to look at me as you do him

I could not be half of what you wanted me to be
so I split into two leaving you my better half
and all the static noise showing you
but the truth for me
was that I wanted to believe
in you
I am mad at myself
for losing to myself
because I was right
I just could not see it
and apparently
neither could you
and when you and I look into your eyes
and we both see what you want us both to see
the perfect person
but if you put your glasses on
you may see yourself better
because I see you really
and I really do not like
you were most there
but not truly for me
you were most there
but only physically
I always felt not a part of you

and that is what I remember
the most

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About Me

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Some stories are fabricated, some stories are imaginative, some stories are not your own, and some are factual, but all are stories that is an individuals and he must share so that he feels the world part of him, not just him part of the world