Morning nights

never could you believe

under what I woke up this morning

I woke under a red cloud

that drizzled grey rain

sprinkling grey mist 

on my eye lids

when my eyes ajar

I knew just what kind of day to expect

Change Myself: Lost & Found

You keep me from being anyone
and so I became myself
you told me that I did not breathe well
and thought me how to breathe like someone else
that person did not think well
and so you told me to think like someone else
that person did not behave
and so you told me I had to act like someone else
that person did not listen
and so you gave me someone else's ears
that person did not speak well
and so you told me I had to talk like someone else
that person did not feel well
and you told me to feel like someone else
I have lost and found
I could not see anyone else
then I broke down
and realized I did not like myself
then I looked in the mirror
and saw that I was everyone else

Making in this minute

what you are making

no longer depends on anything

except the outcome

your ideas are shining

that cost plenty of time
plenty of minds
have found themselves lost
lost in yesterday
forgetting already tomorrow
seeming in constant
the longest now ever
and so I rest my mind
exit my object
so that I can dream
of any time other than now

Billabong

If I wasn't alone
If music didn't play
If I did not sing
If beauty did not exist
If the waves did not crash
If the sand did not blow
If I could not stand
If you could not see my feet
If the rope did not hold
If I could always smile
If flowers did not smell
If I could not walk on this
IF the sun did not shine
If there were no water
If I could just be
If there were no view
If it did not feel like this
If you could just see me
If I could not be bare
If I could not sleep
The world, would it be still?

Billabong Lightwriting

Amy, Amy, Amy

You have places to go

you had people you could have seen

but instead you sit in the open glass room

listening to instructions

because of your disability

who ever thought you

sharing is caring

never thought you

caring is a whole load

you had so much to share

all the ideas, all the love

wanted to show the world the sun

from your eyes

the goodness

all you wanted to do was share

but by the time you reached the sharing step

you were full of all the things you disliked the most

and the things you did not want to be

Your words unladylike

and many times the most filthy

But your voice

It showed me the stories

you could not speak

Your voice 

It showed me the things you were

and the things you wanted to be

I have not had wine in my house

for sometime

but I do have a photo of you

in the case

Reading... Parental Advisory 

Lotus Focus

Finding focus underneath the desk

next to the vitamin fish

coffee

and bottle of water

mixing causing bowel movement

today's treatment

focus under pressure

focus into the lotus

see beauty crumble in detail

nothing more displeasing

than deflowering

that which is pleasing

But only until it has been pleased

and then there's much less you can do with it

and it all feels like it could have been nothing

nothing is more scary than feeling nothing

because then we become despicable
mouth watering violence
round shaped hearts
falling into oblivion
wandering where you are
as depression attack
and then your beautiful day
is gone
and a pill is supposed to 
save you from your insecurities
and no one can save you from
your self pity
only to lose focus
and drown in meaningless life
to find a meaning in life