Juliar? Juliar? Juliar?

I once sent an e-mail to myself with content I cannot recall where from. My thought is I either wrote it or a lyrics to a second I found, although is closely resembles real life occurrence of multiples people meshed in one. Since my memory betrays me, I feel I can share do to my ignorance.

Enjoy!

Consumption

The frame from which I awoke removed me from shade, the light refuse to give me vitamin D. In my restless eyes, pupil dilate and the motion that I seem to be in differ from the one I see. lights, colors, distortion, weary minded, knot in the stomach. I seem to have misplaced my self esteem because this feeling is foreign and the mind is rejecting itself. I am hanging over the day after the past where consumptions of alcohol has left me half brain dead. The silence while peoples mouth continue to move is a feeling and I must think paranoia. There is one constant hum and looking in the mirror, I look ok to drive. But someone say it's OK to die and I'm thinking it's OK to lie. I'm falling into an unprotected state from this city state of mind. I mind being touched even if I give you the right. It isn't right when you hear and see what is going on but you can do nothing about it. My hand is slower that my mind and the signs all seem to be moving too fast for me see their shapes. I am falling into the state where everything seem a jest and laughter is causing pain in my stomach. I'm dying from amusement that only I can see. There is nothing there but there is something there. When I wake up, none of it is real.

Saying Something With Nothing

Parliament, focus, betrays
Infiltrate, debt, being
Sinking, songs, lifts
Hearts, inflict, pain
Relates, liquor, insulate
Warmth, breathes, look
Deceive, mind, state
think, facts, untrue
see, lights, unfold
kill, fashion, don't
feed, birds, wings
sing, hot, lullabies
be, fair, and
have, fear
see, here

Fire in Her Eyes

Stood in front of me as you did. is it hate in your eyes? is it hurt? There's fire in your eyes.

As I felt a sharp pain, my mind not knowing where, I realize that I had hurt you. And that not at all, my intentions, for I thought I was doing well by you. Well it's obvious you thought otherwise because now I bleed. Breathless I. Who am I? No longer sure of myself and the life I assumed to have lived for everything feels like a lie, that I told to myself. Could it even be called a life? is it a life in time or something imagined? That a man doubt all that he is brings sorrow to the heart. Doubt in life, doubt is love, and doubt upon my Father once. but no longer GOD and though doubt has fallen upon me by many, doubt followed me like a pet. Doubt is still with me and how to shake it off, still not sure.

Wired

watching rolling heads before eyes falling into the potato soup. This is not what I imagine but it is pretty serious. Serious life makes an unhappy camper. It has become so serious, life deprived, and slowly becoming minuscule. The various shapes moving in the corner of my eyes, the elements known visit to visit but unable to recollect and the wires in the back of the head are unable to reconnect.

Slowing of the loud pound of the heart. Slow the distribution of the red substance that circulate in the arteries and vein sending oxygen and carbon dioxide from the tissues. Slow the release of demand ones mind has for the body. Slow the realization that the moment is about to come to an alt. Then, it is the collapse.

Wording Advisory

Challenged by sources unknown
trying to forget what you gave no permission to
the mind is much too persistence 
life lessons - Think, maybe he or she told you so
the drawn line, what is the point if it cannot be seen
but there is much to believe in
and too much to see
there is fear
and inside it, you'll find happiness
there's you,
but it does not exist without acknowledgement
when lost, do not look in the find and lost
all you will find is things that need to be lost
but the things you need to find will appear

as you move forward looking for nothing

because when you are no looking 

is when most you find

but sometime

the more you find,

the more you have lost
and the thing forgotten
are the things not worth
remembering
the past is the past
it's only worth examining
what you need to change the most
is now because
you can never get it back